April 12, 2009

Walking in the fog

As I've said before, I'm done with my practicum, and thus, done with my bachelor degree. I've waited so long to get this far, but now that I'm here, I'm feeling a little bit lost.

For the past four years, I've been constantly thinking about assignments, readings, journals, clients and groups. I've worried that things are due, or I haven't prepared enough for this or that, or even that I have to get up early in the morning!

That's all gone. I'm free. And I don't know what to do! I've applied for jobs, but I'm restricted in that I can only really work for a few months. I thought about some volunteer work, or even taking up a hobby, but I just don't know right now. As I said, I'm still in the freaking fog.

I remember talking to someone when I was in a fog before. They said that when you are in a fog, anything is possible, and when you come out the other end, you just might find yourself in a better place. I know where I will be coming out, but being in here right now is unnerving. It's so unfamiliar.

I'm free. What to do for the next few months? Huh...


Still Dreaming said...

go work in a homeless shelter!!! It's totally worth the experience.

and I totally understand the whole graduating thing. I felt strangely aimless at the end of last year. In a way I still do. My life actually felt really empty and unstructured as well without school to define it.

cb said...

Yeah, it can feel a bit like limbo - although it's going back a while for me!

I don't have any wonderous suggestions but I'm sure you will find something positive to do!

Anonymous said...

I think it's a great opportunity to explore some aspect that perhaps you would not otherwise be able to do ... so if you can be with the anxiety of it, maybe something really interesting will evolve. I know when I switched from employment to self-employment that was hard with the whole 'structure/unstructured' thing ... but I learnt so much about myself in the process - and I'm now studying for a BSW p/t! I think sometimes (especially in this culture) it's tempting to fill our time up with structured things to avoid the anxiety of being with ourselves or being without structure. But an unstructured place is an incredibly creative space to be ... to explore oneself.
This summer I'm not going to do much teaching and I'm planning on spending time writing poetry and creating art as a way of self-reflection - yes, it sounds indulgent but it was something that I discovered the value of as a result of a course assignment I did this semester and I've since realised how much I stifle my creativity and that it's actually a valuable tool for self reflection. I could write more but I've got another assignment due tomorrow(!) so I'll stop for now. But don't rush away from being with the ickyness of unstructuredness ... it can be a rich place to be and to explore.

oleander. said...

Maybe you should take this time and do some volunteering with a population or subject area that you never imagined yourself working with. This could be a good time to explore different options, gain new perspective, or at the very least give you a little more experience to write down on your resume.

Anonymous said...

I agree with oleander and Still Dreaming...try volunteering in a homeless shelter or some other agency you hadn't worked with before. Or even call around and see about doing a few job shadows with social workers in settings you haven't worked in before.

Or you could use the time to do some reading just for pleasure, taking long walks, etc.

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