I am doing better.
There are some changes that have really helped, but there is still a lot of work to do. Reading therapy related books and blogs only at work has really helped. I've discovered some great fiction and have done some fun things lately. I will occasionally check my work email, but try to avoid it at all cost. There's little I can't handle later.
I am still feeling somewhat lost in all of this. Why I have chosen to come to this place is a mystery, but I'm discovering more and more of how to get out of it. I've always wanted to know the why and still seek it, but what the hell. Doesn't it get to some point where you say fuck it?
It's interesting about some of the realizations that have come up for me that may be helpful in the future. My desire to write. My uncomfortableness around men. My laziness. My desire for freedom and escape. The one place I want to live in the future. My food issues. So much.
I still look over to that other chair while I am working and see myself way too much. While this isn't always a bad thing, it's hurting me right now. On the other side of the coin, it's also what makes me a good therapist.
Ok, enough stream of consciousness writing for now. It's interesting as I write this and think about wanting to write. It's always been somewhat of a struggle translating what is going on in my head to paper or keyboard. I wonder what THAT means... ;)