No Better Place Than Here

So I've really accepted that I'll never be a consistent blogger, but there are just times where I need to write some things and have them out in the world. I still write a bit, but most of it isn't for an audience....this feels different.

These past couple years have been transformational for me in way more ways than one. 

• I've found a job that is very settled and calm and I can accept as good for me right now. It's not so social worky, but that's more than okay right now.
• I've mostly let go of my constant striving to achieve more and more and am settling into who I am and what that means. I get small bursts of this now and again, but it settles quickly.
• Most of my anxiety has left me, and I've made peace with my understanding of any depressive tendencies that I might have. There's a few reasons for this that I'll offer later.
• My wife and I have a lovely home and are mostly settled. We do struggle with possibly wanting to move to a house again, but that might not happen.
• One of my parents passed recently and I've had to come to terms with what that means for me, as I have a mostly removed relationship with most of my family.

So the biggest catalyst for some of the work and personal changes started early last spring. That was when I re-discovered the research behind psychedelics and mental health. I remember studying in my undergrad how psychedelics were researched in the 60s and 70s, then shut down by government and it always stuck with me a little bit. A number of years ago, I had a call to pursue ayahuasca ceremony, but chose not to at this time.

So last spring, I started a string of interactions with psychedelics and related medicines that progressed from psilocybin microdosing to ketamine therapy to a bufo molecule experience and recently to an ayahuasca retreat. All this, in tandem with a lot of therapy and inner work, has been truly transformative in many ways.

I'm still formulating how I want to lay this all out and will probably just go chunk by chunk...possibly working backwards...but I do think it will be helpful with my integration process overall.

I look forward to sharing more.