Go Against the Grain and Love Yourself

I want you to think of someone in your life that you care about greatly. Think about that love and what it feels like, what sparks it, what sustains it. Now think about people that love you and why they do. Turning that to yourself, can you see those qualities? Can you love yourself in the way you offer others?

Practicing self-love can feel like a revolutionary act. It’s about giving yourself the same kindness, respect, and care that you would offer a loved one. Here’s a simple guide to integrating self-love into your daily routine, so you can nurture your well-being and boost your confidence.

Start with Self-Awareness

Begin by tuning into your own needs and feelings and spending a few moments each day reflecting on what you need to feel supported and content. This could involve journaling, meditating, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts. Understanding yourself is the first step in practicing self-love, as it helps you identify what truly nurtures and fulfills you.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

The way you speak to yourself matters. Replace self-criticism with affirming, supportive language. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, counter it with a positive statement. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” replace it with, “I am doing my best, and that’s enough.” This shift in self-talk can significantly boost your self-esteem and reinforce a loving attitude towards yourself.

Set Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are a form of self-love. They help you manage your time and energy, ensuring you don’t overextend yourself. Communicate your limits clearly and assertively, and make sure to protect your personal space and time. By respecting your own boundaries, you show yourself that your needs and well-being are important.

Engage in Self-Care

Incorporate activities that bring you joy and relaxation into your daily routine. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a warm bath, make time for things that rejuvenate you. Self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s a fundamental part of self-love.

Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your progress and efforts helps reinforce a positive self-image and motivates you to keep striving.

By weaving these practices into your daily life, you cultivate a nurturing and loving relationship with yourself. Remember, self-love is a continuous journey, and each small step you take contributes to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Boundaries are Essential, not Evil

Throughout my career as a social worker and and throughout my life, boundaries have been ever present and showing me in sometimes frustrating ways how important they are. I've gained a very fluid understanding of them and while I'm not always the best at communicating mine, I always try. It's also been the focus of how I counsel people, as I've found that most people that need the support of a therapist struggle with their boundaries. 

Setting healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining well-being and fostering meaningful relationships. They are the limits we set to protect our mental, emotional, and physical health, and play a crucial role in how we interact with others and ourselves.

What Are Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are guidelines that define where one person ends and another begins. They help you manage how much time and energy you invest in relationships, work, and personal activities. Setting boundaries is not about building walls but about creating a space where you can thrive without feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of or used.

Why Boundaries Matter

• Protect Your Well-being: By clearly defining what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you can avoid burnout and stress, allowing you to maintain a balanced life where your needs are respected.

• Improve Relationships: They help prevent conflicts and misunderstandings by setting clear expectations and when you communicate your limits effectively, it encourages others to respect your needs (as well as theirs), leading to more harmonious interactions.

• Enhance Self-Esteem: It shows that you value your time and energy and are willing to stand up for yourself, building confidence and self-respect, which are crucial for growth and satisfaction.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

• Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what you need to feel balanced and content. This might include managing your workload, personal space, or time for self-care. Knowing your limits is the first step in setting effective boundaries.

• Communicate Clearly: Express your boundaries openly and assertively. Use clear and respectful language to let others know your limits and needs. For example, you might say, “I need to focus on my work right now, so I’ll have to turn down this request.”

• Be Consistent: Enforce your boundaries consistently. It’s important to stick to them even if it feels uncomfortable. Consistency helps others understand and respect your limits, making it easier to maintain healthy relationships.

• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that recharge and rejuvenate you. By taking care of yourself, you reinforce the importance of your boundaries and ensure that you have the energy and resilience to uphold them.

Setting healthy boundaries is a crucial practice for maintaining well-being and fostering positive relationships. By clearly defining your limits and communicating them effectively, you create a more balanced and respectful context around yourself where you can thrive.

Forgiveness Always Wins

I've struggled greatly with forgiveness in my years as a human being, and continue to do so to this day. There are some experiences that are just hard to accept and that just stuck with me and hurt so bad and I held onto that hurt to no end with blame against the other person. Throughout this, all who was really hurting was me.

When you're hurting, forgiveness can feel like the stupidest thing to even think about. However, the way forward can often lie in how we actually understand forgiveness. Imagine that you hold resentment towards someone, but have no interaction with them and never plan to. In that scenario, it's very clear that the only thing being hurt by your lack of forgiveness is you. 

Now move that into someone you have a lot of contact with. You're still hurting you, and it gives you no gain to keep blaming them. So forgiveness isn't "letting someone off the hook" for bad behavior, and we can still hold people accountable and forgive them, because forgiveness is about you, not them. It means you can let go of the hurt you feel for them in your heart and soul, not that you'll let them hurt you again with no consequences.

When we hold onto grudges, we often trap ourselves in the past, replaying hurtful moments, keeping wounds fresh and preventing healing. When we choose to forgive, we create space for growth and self-compassion.

The journey to forgiveness starts with self-reflection. Ask yourself, "What am I holding onto, and how is it affecting my well-being?" This process can bring clarity, allowing you to see the bigger picture and understand that we’re all imperfect. Forgiveness is also a practice of empathy, as it helps you recognize the humanity in others and in yourself.

One helpful approach is to start small and begin by forgiving minor offenses, such as misunderstandings or accidental slights, before working up to deeper wounds. With time and patience, forgiveness can become a natural and useful part of your emotional toolkit.

No Better Place Than Here

So I've really accepted that I'll never be a consistent blogger, but there are just times where I need to write some things and have them out in the world. I still write a bit, but most of it isn't for an audience....this feels different.

These past couple years have been transformational for me in way more ways than one. 

• I've found a job that is very settled and calm and I can accept as good for me right now. It's not so social worky, but that's more than okay right now.
• I've mostly let go of my constant striving to achieve more and more and am settling into who I am and what that means. I get small bursts of this now and again, but it settles quickly.
• Most of my anxiety has left me, and I've made peace with my understanding of any depressive tendencies that I might have. There's a few reasons for this that I'll offer later.
• My wife and I have a lovely home and are mostly settled. We do struggle with possibly wanting to move to a house again, but that might not happen.
• One of my parents passed recently and I've had to come to terms with what that means for me, as I have a mostly removed relationship with most of my family.

So the biggest catalyst for some of the work and personal changes started early last spring. That was when I re-discovered the research behind psychedelics and mental health. I remember studying in my undergrad how psychedelics were researched in the 60s and 70s, then shut down by government and it always stuck with me a little bit. A number of years ago, I had a call to pursue ayahuasca ceremony, but chose not to at that time.

So last spring, I started a string of interactions with psychedelics and related medicines that progressed from psilocybin microdosing to ketamine therapy to a bufo molecule experience and recently to an ayahuasca retreat. All this, in tandem with a lot of therapy and inner work, has been truly transformative in many ways.

I'm still formulating how I want to lay this all out and will probably just go chunk by chunk...possibly working backwards...but I do think it will be helpful with my integration process overall.

I look forward to sharing more.