Building a "You" oriented Self-Care Routine

One of my biggest pet peeves is the misuse of the term "self-care" to only mean things that make you feel good in the moment. That creates unrealistic expectations of what it means to care for yourself and it's bordering on unhelpful. I like to think of self-care as doing hard things to improve your life in a way to keep you moving forward. While this can include doing more of what feels good, the bulk of it is challenging stuff that is hard.

How can you create a sustainable self-care routine that fits into your life? We all know self-care is crucial, but figuring out what works for you can be a bit of a puzzle, so here’s a guide to help you build a routine that feels right and doesn’t stress you out.

Start with the Basics

First things first, take a moment to think about what you truly need to recharge. Are you craving more relaxation, or do you need a burst of energy? Maybe you’re just looking for a little more balance. Once you’ve got a handle on what you’re aiming for, set some goals. You don’t need an elaborate routine to start—just small, manageable steps carved out a few minutes a day can make a big difference.

Experiment and Find What Works

Now comes the fun part: experimenting! Try out different activities to see what makes you feel good. It could be yoga, journaling, reading, or even taking a stroll in the park and don't be afraid to mix things up! If something doesn’t quite hit the spot, it’s totally okay to switch it up. The goal is to find what resonates with you.

Make It a Habit

Once you’ve figured out what you like, it’s time to make it stick. Schedule your self-care into your daily or weekly routine. Treat it like any other important appointment—because it is! It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process; even a few minutes of self-care can make a big impact and become a natural part of your day.

Listen to Yourself

Remember, your needs and preferences might change, and that’s perfectly okay. Be flexible with your routine and adjust it as needed. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. If you miss a day or two, don’t sweat it. Just pick back up where you left off.

In a nutshell, building a self-care routine is all about finding what makes you feel good and weaving it into your life in a way that feels effortless. Start small, stay consistent, and adjust as needed. You deserve it, and you’ll likely find it’s worth every bit of effort. Happy self-caring!

Bounce Back from Rough Emotions Easier

It would be wonderful to live in a world where we didn't need the amount of resilience that we do. A world where we took care of each other and watched out for each other's emotional state. However, the reality of the world is that it's hard. Living can be hard in general, but even harder for some. This is where resilience comes in, especially around emotions.

Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from life’s challenges with strength and grace. It’s what helps you weather storms, adapt to change, and keep going when the going gets tough. While some people seem naturally resilient, the good news is that emotional resilience can be cultivated over time. 

Here’s how you can develop this vital skill.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

One of the foundations of emotional resilience is adopting a growth mindset—the belief that you can learn and grow from your experiences. Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, see them as opportunities to learn and improve. This shift in perspective can make a big difference in how you handle challenges.

Build a Strong Support System

No one is an island, and having a strong network of supportive friends, family, and colleagues is crucial for resilience. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and provide encouragement during tough times. Don’t be afraid to lean on others when you need help—it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

Practice Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself is key to building resilience. When you face difficulties, it’s easy to slip into self-criticism or blame. Instead, treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge your feelings, forgive yourself for mistakes, and remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle.

Develop Healthy Coping Strategies

Resilient people don’t avoid stress—they manage it effectively. Develop healthy coping strategies like mindfulness, exercise, or creative hobbies to help you process and release stress. These activities not only help you stay calm in the moment but also build your overall capacity to handle future stressors.

Stay Flexible and Adaptable

Life is unpredictable, and resilience involves being able to adapt to change. Practice staying flexible in your thinking and approach. When plans go awry, try to go with the flow rather than rigidly holding onto how things “should” be. Adaptability helps you stay grounded, even when life throws you a curveball.

Focus on What You Can Control

In challenging times, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything outside your control. Resilient people focus on what they can control—their actions, attitudes, and responses. By channeling your energy into what you can influence, you’ll feel more empowered and less stressed.

Developing emotional resilience takes time, but by embracing these practices, you’ll find yourself better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs. With resilience, you can navigate challenges with a sense of inner strength and emerge even stronger on the other side.

Nom, Nom, Nom: Nutrition and Mental Health

Many of us have a challenging relationship with food and their connection to our emotions. Some of us associate food with love, so when we couldn't get love, a full belly was a decent replacement. Or it was a way to cover up the hurt emotions we felt by being full. However, the flip side of that is that the food we eat can improve our well-being and mood in a way that we might never have thought.

Let’s dig into how nutrition and mental health are connected—and how you can eat your way to a happier, healthier mind.

Food for Thought

Imagine your brain as a high-performance machine. To keep it running smoothly, you need to fuel it with the right nutrients. Foods rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants provide the brain with the tools it needs to function at its best. On the flip side, a diet loaded with processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can clog up the works, leaving you feeling sluggish, anxious, and down in the dumps.

Mood-Boosting Munchies

So, what should you be eating to keep your brain happy? Start with the basics:

• Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Found in fish like salmon and walnuts, these healthy fats are known to boost brain function and reduce symptoms of depression.

• Whole Grains: Foods like oatmeal, brown rice, and quinoa provide a steady release of energy, keeping your mood stable throughout the day.

• Leafy Greens: Spinach, kale, and other greens are packed with folate, a B vitamin linked to lower rates of depression.

• Fermented Foods: Yogurt, kimchi, and kefir are loaded with probiotics, which can improve gut health—and, believe it or not, a healthy gut is key to a happy mind.

Fun Fact: Gut Feeling

Speaking of your gut, did you know it’s often referred to as your “second brain”? That’s because your gut and brain are closely connected through the gut-brain axis. A healthy gut can produce more serotonin, the feel-good hormone, helping to keep your mood in check.

Treat Yourself (Wisely)

This doesn’t mean you can’t indulge now and then. The key is balance. Enjoy your favorite treats in moderation, but make sure your overall diet is rich in brain-boosting foods. After all, a happy brain leads to a happy life—and it all starts with what’s on your plate!

Just Breathe to Reduce your Stress

Before I became a therapist, I had a period in my life where I attended some weekend meditation retreats on the regular. During these weekend, there would be talks, formal sitting meditation (which included breathing exercises) and walking meditation. 

This was before "mindfulness" found it's fame and I really just thought of it all as meditation. At the end of these weekend, there would be a clarity to everything around me; my thoughts, breath, vision and more. The breathing was always something I could bring into my everyday life that I found helpful.

What Is Mindful Breathing?

Mindful breathing involves paying close attention to your breath and using it as a tool to anchor your mind in the present moment. It’s about observing the natural flow of your breath without trying to change it. This practice helps calm your nervous system and reduces the impact of stress.

How to Practice Mindful Breathing

1. Find a Comfortable Position: Sit or lie down in a relaxed position. Ensure you’re comfortable and can breathe freely.

2. Focus on Your Breath: Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breathing. Notice the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils, the rise and fall of your chest, or the expansion and contraction of your abdomen.

3. Use a Breathing Technique: Try the 4-7-8 method: inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7, and exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 8. This pattern helps to slow your breathing and calm your mind.

4. Be Present: If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath. The goal isn’t to stop thoughts but to observe them without judgment.

5. Practice Regularly: Incorporate mindful breathing into your daily routine, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Consistent practice can build resilience to stress and enhance overall well-being.

Benefits of Mindful Breathing

• Reduces Stress: Mindful breathing helps lower cortisol levels and activates the body’s relaxation response, making it easier to manage stress.

• Improves Focus: By anchoring your attention on your breath, you can improve your concentration and clarity.

• Enhances Emotional Balance: Regular practice fosters emotional stability and helps you respond to stressors with greater calm and resilience.

Incorporating mindful breathing into your daily life can transform your approach to stress. By taking just a few minutes each day to focus on your breath, you can cultivate a sense of inner peace and improve your overall mental and emotional well-being.